You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
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I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
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according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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