Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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