Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize