Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize