She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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