Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
