Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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