rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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