Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
