I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
