She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize