I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
