i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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