i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
