Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
