the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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