Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
