I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
