did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
