Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
