There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
