Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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