i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
