Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
