you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
