At least make sure they are 18
Why
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
