I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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