you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
