She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
