No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
