5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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