So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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