I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
whose parrot is this?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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