hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
