I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
