grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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