i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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