it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
