remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
