My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
