im about as happy as oj after his trial
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
