3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
