if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
