Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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