the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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