I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
