Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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