a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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