Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
