She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
