worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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