Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
