How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
