Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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