I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
