Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
