This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Buhtt sex?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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